This blog post has taken me a while to write because, well to put it simply, I needed to get over the shock of this unexpected news! Here is my story on the day we found out we were having not one, but TWO babies!
May 24th, 2017- the day our lives REALLY changed forever! I had my first ultrasound- supposed to be my 20 week ultrasound although someone wrote my dates down wrong and they had me there at 17 weeks. I didn’t really know what to expect, although I did know that the technician could not tell me anything about the baby- gender, health, etc. I was excited as this was going to be the first time I got to see my baby wiggling around! Joel was getting ready to head to England at this time and was unable to come to the appointment with me, so I was there alone. The room had dim lighting and was very warm from the machines, I remember just laying there on the bed staring at the ceiling listening to the whirring of the machine and just feeling happy to see my baby once the technician was done her exam. I seemed to be laying there forever and was starting to feel tired I looked at the clock and I had already been there for 30 minutes, she hadn’t said a word to me. I started wondering if everything was ok with the baby and started to feel a little worried, as there was no sign of her being done soon. I started praying “God please let this baby be healthy, please don’t let there be anything wrong” The ultrasound tech asked me if I was ok and I responded that I was fine, she said she was almost done. I tried looking at her face to see if she had any sort of expression at all that could hint to what was going on- but nothing, she had a wonderful poker face. Finally she stopped and said “okay, I’m finished the exam, sorry it took me so long, it’s because there are two babies”…
I sat up, looked at her and said “WHAT?!?” (I may have said it a little too sternly). She laughed and said again “Yes, there are two babies, you’re having two babies.” I then proceeded to tell her “No, I’m not, you’re wrong” she laughed again (I’m happy someone was amused) and she responded “Look! Here is Baby A ,and over here is Baby B.” She gave me a minute to process this shocking information- I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t do anything I literally just froze and watched my TWO babies. She proceeded to show me some things in the ultrasound like a beating heart, how one babies bottom was in the other babies face. The only thing I could say was “I can’t believe it” as I was shaking my head and so wishing that Joel was there to see this.
Something you should know about Joel. He has thought it was twins from the very beginning, Even before we started trying to have a baby he thought we would have twins- what did I do with this- completely blew it off. I didn’t think there was any way having twins was possible for us- even though there are twins in his family.
The ultrasound tech asked if i was okay, I lied and said I was fine. She told me to go and get changed and meet her by the chairs and she would get me some pictures. While waiting I could feel the tears coming but I held it back. As she is showing me the pictures and trying to explain them I wasn’t listening- I did hear the lady beside me say “oh, how wonderful!” I left the hospital in a complete daze, went to pay to get out of the parking lot and dropped change EVERYWHERE, I probably would have left it there if it wasn’t for the nice man that started picking it up for me. Finally I reached my car and I got in and I just balled. I didn’t even know why I was crying… was I happy? Was I scared? I didn’t know. I tried calling Joel but he didn’t answer, I just needed to talk to someone. I Facetimed (thank you technology) my parents and thankfully there were around and answered. I was a mess, and could hardly talk but managed to blurt out that there were two babies. My mom just had this look of shock on her face and couldn’t speak, and my dad was there beside her just grinning ready to get up and do a happy dance, I believe his response was something like “Wow! This is wonderful news! Two babies! Can we tell everyone?” Both my mom and I immediately say “NO!” I wasn’t ready to accept it myself let alone tell EVERYONE. We came to the conclusion that was I was feeling was complete and utter shock- I was completely overwhelmed by this unexpected news. I sat in the Hospital parking lot for almost 30 minutes- and also knew that I had to get back to work, but I also had to compose myself.
I finally got a hold of Joel and told him the news- his response “I knew it! That’s awesome” I Facetimed my Mother in Law as well and told her, her response was somewhere in between my mom and my dad’s- but probably closer to my mothers.
I finally made it back to work, and I must have had this look on my face because I walked in the door and immediately my boss asked “is everything ok?” I told her “I think so, there’s just two babies”. The more I started saying it the more I started to believe it. The more I started to believe it the more the shock started to go away.
Learning that I was expecting twins brought about 4 different emotions:
1.Guilt- I couldn’t help but think of all the people I know who have struggled having children, or haven’t been able to have children at all, and here I am having two babies. Why was I chosen to have two babies, when some people can’t even have one? I learned quickly that I couldn’t think like this. I had someone tell me that God chose me to be the mom of these two babies. Those words helped a lot. It was at that point that the guilt went away and I just felt so blessed.
2. Blessed- This emotion is something that will never go away- it will be with me whole life whenever I look at my babies that God has so graciously blessed me with. I can’t wait to meet them, and watch them grow up into teens, and adults.
3. Panic- At my ultrasound I learned that I was actually a week further along than originally thought, and I knew with twins I won’t make it the full 40 weeks. Joel and I had not bought one thing for these babies, and it was stressing me out, and I HAD to do something about it. That’s when I found the cribs we wanted on sale at Wayfair- my new favourite place to shop- it’s dangerous! So, I bought TWO cribs, and that was a major “this is really happening” moment, but helped settle my nerves! Nothing better than a little retail therapy!
4. Pure Excitement and Joy- We have known for about a month now that we are having Twins! For Joel the excitement was there right away, it took me a little while to catch up, but it is here now in full force! I just can’t wait! I have been focusing on buying things for the nursery and starting to get things set up, and I’m just so excited to be a family of four!
Thank you for joining me on this amazing, and exciting journey! I have really been enjoying sharing my story with all of you!